The Fall Is Coming

I have random thoughts; does that make me crazy?? I don't think it does... Maybe the thoughts may be crazy, but does that make me as a person crazy... or one who just expresses each impulse though written or spoken word.. no matter what the subject may be...

Here is a taste of what I think in some cases... People will judge regardless, but just check it out and let it be thought provoking....

So frustrated with myself; wondering why I'm not changing; It's frustrating to know that I'm remaining the same. I keep playing this game with no strategy. It seems like I have an allergy to consistency.  Trying to get everything in order, but the half of me is out of order and not on the same page and these regrets are cutting sharper than blades. And it impossible to change the pages when they are stuck together because the ink is still wet and the words are smudged so I can't read so I'm living life irresponsibly because there are no directions. I'm like a link with no Internet connection; so I don't work i feel crazy listening to G-d, the devil and me.  And this flesh will be the death of me.  I feel dead already. The  Holy Spirit gets me because I feel it in me.. But I'm empty; somethings tempt me... Trying to kill me.. This is the mind of the crazy think. Not the mind of the crazy. But my thoughts are racing and running. Non-stop. Miles and miles of thoughts. These things controlling me and I have a say in everything. I let myself be manipulated by my flesh... I allow the most and accept the half. That's all; just do the math, my mind has done it.  I know it all. The subtraction and the constant additions and the constant submission to all the wrong things and not the right; the wrong that keeps me up all night. There is no night light because I keep dimming the light and blocking my blessings there goes sin calling me again and I keep choosing to answer the call but I reject G-d's call..This tragic masterpiece... I feel the fall is coming...

New Begining Day 1

This day feels so good... Its good when you finally begin to find purpose... The feeling is a feeling that can't be explained...

So I let my thoughts leak and speak... To try and self express these feelings with the lack of words for the moment...

Make Sense?? lol

Good question.....

Listen...

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Fulfillment

Have you noticed when you don’t get something you wanted, you desire more…

When you don’t reach fulfillment it occurs to you that your world is empty…

When you can’t control things it seems like your world is going to end…

So you look for this temporary cap to fill the void because instant gratification floods your veins

So you become impulsive to fulfill every desire you have…

When every desire doesn’t need to be met…

But compulsion is compelling you to act on these feelings that drive you…

And sitting back makes you want to do something crazy and unheard of…

You scream on the inside because you’re unfulfilled

These desires drill holes of wanting….

“Desire increases when fulfillment is postponed”

-Pierre Cornielle

- Dei Selah...

Cold World.. Inspired by the coldness outside..

The seasons can really change a person. You may never know what someone feels like on the inside. Well, here is what I wrote that might be how someone feels on the inside because of the cold season...

Thinking about the things my soul could do without..
Because my hands get cold on a daily bases...
But what is there to use to warm my heart?
Because when I place my hand on my chest my heart gets chilled a little bit because this is such a cold world...
No gloves and no heart hat to protect me from the wind chill that puts my heart on the rocks and places my hands under ice...
Frost bite chastises my insides...
Which fences me into a world of ice with no blanket of love that warms my mind...
Brain freeze is what you could call it...
And I got icicles for eyes...
Because the way I stare is as cold as ice..
Its like I'm colder than a body in the morgue
Its so cold that my heart is sore...
This world takes away more and give me less
Why can't it take less and give me more
I want be warmer than the earth's core...
But this life is like a cold war....
Leaving you freezing and absent minded..


Just waiting for a warm season....


Dei Selah....